An Open Letter to the Cincinnati Bengals

As a lifelong Bengals fan, last night’s loss was hard to take - the hardest one yet. Even harder, however, is the conversation I had to have with my 8-year old son this morning.

Raising a kid these days is hard. Social media, school shootings, bombings. Every day there is a conversation about something scary, over which we have little or no control. These topics are not fun to discuss much less make sense of for young kids. Today our talk was hard as we tried to explain your choices during last night’s game, but different in that we do have some control. During our talk today our family decided to ‘fire’ the Cincinnati Bengals as our team.

As a member of a professional sports organization - owners, coaches, players, equipment managers - you have a responsibility. Of course, your primary responsibility is to win games – ahem.

But beyond winning, and perhaps more importantly (at least for a mother of three young children who want to be fans) is the responsibility to set a good example. To conduct yourself in a manner that your fans are proud of, one that we want to emulate.  Last night there were so many things that did exactly the opposite and the reason why I cannot let my children to root for you.

There are important life lessons that I want my children to learn by being a member and a fan of a team: Doing their best work each time. Working together for the success of the team. Displaying self-control. Being humble in victory and gracious in defeat. Respecting their opponents, coaches and the officials. Taking responsibility for your actions. Conducting themselves in a way that their team, their fans and their family would be proud of.

Players – your name is on the jersey not only on the field during play but also on my kid’s back because he wants to be like you. After last night I can no longer, in good conscience, allow my child to wear a Bengals jersey – certainly not with the names Burfict or Jones. Not after your display of selfishness, utter lack of self -control and disrespect of every player on the field, every fan in the stadium and all of us at home watching – hoping for a Bengals playoff win.

My kids will find a replacement team – it will be easy for them. For me, it is a bit harder. For 42 years I have worn orange and black, I have watched, cheered and championed your team– even before you were here. I will be sad. But I have to set a good example for my kids and help them grow up to be the things that you are not.

For the Birds

As a SAHM, there are many things I think are ‘for the birds’ – like laundry, dishes, and cooking (clearly I didn’t read the job description before I accepted!). 

Interestingly, birds hold a very special place in my family’s heart. My late grandfather, in his retirement, built and tended to bluebird houses around a golf course and was an avid bird watcher. Many members of our family have bird figurines in our homes to help us remember him (he was so special to me that we named our first born after him). There is some irony in that our local high school mascot is the Bluebirds (aka ‘the birds’), which I find terribly humorous on several levels (is a bird an intimidating opponent?). So needless to say, we have a lot of birds in our home.

What will become more meaningful (and funny) after you finish reading this, is that hubby came home tonight and had dubbed L our ‘canary in a coal mine’ since she has been known to alert us of ‘danger’ in our home. I might have to increase our collection and buy a canary figurine for L’s room now.

Now the story I eluded to in my last post about our water problem (remember L was the one who woke us up saying she heard a loud sound….)

It was late summer (mid-late August). L had been sick for a few days, running a mild-grade fever but nothing really serious. Friday night she comes into our room around 2am and pokes me on the shoulder (why do they always come to me in the middle of the night and not hubby?). She says she saw a bird in her room. As any good mom would have done, I told her that she did NOT see a bird but that her fever must have broken. I walk her back into her room and ‘looked’ around to make sure there were no birds. Yup, no birds. Back to bed.

The next morning L comes into our room and taps me (not hubby) on the shoulder and says that she saw it again and knows that I am right. Her words exactly (I will never forget): ‘" saw it again mommy. You were right, it wasn’t a bird. It was Peter Pan’s shadow". YES! Peter Pan’s shadow. That’s it. Not a bird. So, on with our day…..

Saturday night, we had a block party and put the kids to bed a bit later than usual. I was in bed with L talking about our day (a nightly ritual we’ve followed since they were young in an effort to have them remember their childhood). Wanna guess what happens next? A BAT FLIES RIGHT OVER OUR HEADS! There is a ‘bird’ in L’s room!

The antics of the next 30 minutes are enough for another post, so I will spare you the details (although if filmed, we are convinced it would have had at least one million views on YouTube!). Needless to say, L was right. There was actually a bird in her room, although I still like to think it was Peter Pan’s shadow.  So, as referenced in my lessons in my last post, we will ALWAYS listen to L when she says something is amiss.

Lessons I (re)learned today:

·         I really hate really cold weather!

·         Perspective is important

·         Wine makes most things tolerable.

Ask and You Shall Receive

Mathew 7:7 Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.

Yesterday was a day where I should have been uber productive. Two kids back in school after an extended Christmas break (thanks to crazy below zero temps for two days) and a babysitter for most of the day (so I could get my hair done). Yet, outside of the haircut, not much producing happened. Instead, I partook in some retail therapy to help me feel better. I wasn’t sick, nor had anything traumatic occurred, something was just…… off.

I pondered my ‘problem’ for the evening (even while catching up on The Bachelor) and decided that I didn’t have Purpose in my life. I then thought about how I would find that. I thought about my volunteering and if I needed to do it more. I thought about my house and all of the projects I vowed to completed while being a SAHM (many of which have yet to be started). I thought about how I could be doing more with my kids. I thought that maybe going back to work would certainly give me something to do, but would it give me Purpose?

Ahhh, the complexity of grown up questions.

Who would have guessed that my 4 ½ year old would bring me the answer at 6:10am this morning? “Mommy, when I was walking in here I heard a loud noise downstairs.” I think I mentioned the crazy cold temps we’ve had? Anyone want to guess what happens when you have 2+ days of below 0 temp and forget to turn off the water to the hoses? Yup, broken pipes. Broken pipes = freezing cold water ALL over our basement. Bad news = we have water all over our basement. Good news = I now have Purpose!

All of a sudden I have a list a mile long. I guess I have some purpose for the next few days. Maybe I’ll figure out what I want to do when I grow up.

Lessons I learned today:

• We should always listen to L when she says something is wrong (remind me to tell you the ‘bird’ story).
• Things could always be worse. Looking on the bright side helps you get through the bad stuff.
• I know better than to ask questions I don’t know the answers to!

Cabin Fever

Symptoms: excessive crying and whining elevated amounts of fighting, excessive messes around the house.

My kids have been off school since December 20 (Dec 16 for the smallest one) and we are ALL ready for them to go back! I have friends who keep telling me that when my children are older these long breaks will be so much fun. I really don’t like to wish away these precious years but BRING ON THE FUN!

I am tired. Tired of planning fun things to keep my kids out of trouble. Tired of yelling at them (yes, I yell at my kids). Tired of hearing them cry and whine. Tired of mediating sibling arguments. I am pretty sure that they are tired too. I realize that if I schedule every minute of their day that they will be too busy to get into trouble, but that is hard to do for 14+ straight days and quite honestly, I have stuff I need to get done.

One would think that the mountain of toys they opened from Christmas would keep them busy for a few days. Not so much. I will say the idle time has brought out their creativity. Microphone stands turn into swords. Blankets laid on the floor become the ocean. Chairs and pillows arranged for an obstacle course. Yes, all very cute and fun – for about 4 minutes. Then it’s back to yelling, fighting and inevitably someone comes to me crying (yes, the microphone stand/ sword resulted in one black eye on E).

My remedy – to call in my savior (who doubles as my sister) to watch the kids for a few hours so I can get my nails done (my toe nails were beginning to resemble claws they had been neglected for so long. And yes, I realize it’s 7 degrees outside and no one will be seeing my toes, but it makes me feel better okay?!). My other solution is to leave town.

While I would love to be hitting a white sandy beach right about now, that’s not in the budget. So, hubby and I are headed to Bloomington tomorrow to watch my Hoosiers try and bring home a big win against the Spartans (fingers and newly painted toes crossed).  We won’t be gone for much more than 24 hours, but by the time we get home on Sunday it will be time to get ready to GO BACK TO SCHOOL. So while I will miss my little angels a whole bunch, it is best that I get out of town for a bit so we can all remain friends.

Lessons I learned today:

• Three hours of ‘me time’ is just what the doctor ordered to cure an acute case of Cabin Fever.
• You don’t need to spend a ton of money on toys for kids; they will find entertainment all on their own (need to remember this before Christmas shopping next year!)
• One of my friends has an adult daughter who has been missing for as long as my kids have been off school. I will gladly take my Cabin Fever over what he and his family are going through right now. My thoughts and prayers are with them during this terrible time and my fingers (and newly painted toes) are crossed they find her safe and ready to come home.

Resolutions

Can you guess what one of my resolutions for 2014 is? You guessed it, going to try and get this blog thing going again (fingers crossed).

My resolutions for 2013 all revolved around the potty – for E to be potty trained (fail!) and L to wipe herself all the time (fail!). I think I’ll put that back on the list for this year too. I am also resolving to go to church more. Because we all know how much I like lists, my resolutions for 2014 are:

1.       Document – be better at posting blogs, taking pictures and storing/ organizing pictures.
2.       Go to church
3.       Potty training (again)

Last night when I was putting J & L to bed, I explained what a resolution was and what they would like to ‘work on’ this year.  L said she would like to learn on working her whistle. I’m not sure if she meant she wants to learn to whistle or if there is a particular whistle she would like to learn how to ‘work’. J wants to get stronger this year.  Both good and doable (the most important part!).

The New Year always gets me in the mood to organize, decorate and plan. I bring out the calendar to plan trips and other fun things, make sure laundry is caught up (at least for the day) and clean out closets and drawers.

You might remember the pantry project that I talked about a few years ago. We have a huge pantry off our kitchen. On one side is all of the kitchen ‘stuff’ that you don’t need daily access to (stand mixer, waffle maker, ice cream maker, extra inventory of frequently used items). The other side is my arch nemesis – the arts and craft storage. Last year (probably around Jan 1), I vowed to organize this blessed space so off I went to Target. Fourteen milk crates later everything had its place! Fast forward 12 months and nothing was in its intended spot – argh!

So, as has become my annual New Year’s Day tradition – I embarked on organizing the pantry…. Again! I determined that the reason for the disarray was because I let the little people into the pantry to get coloring supplies. Of course, a 2, 4, and 6 year old are not going to ignore the other fun stuff and so nothing was in its place and no one could find anything. New rule = no little people in the pantry! I put a small shelf out in the ‘art’ area with all the basics, plus some extra fun stuff and little cups of crayons and colors pencils on the easel for easy access. Such a good idea, right?

WRONG! Just one day later and there are little pieces of paper all over my house and the little stamps that the girls got in their stockings are turning up in all kinds of WHITE places. I’m not sure what my new plan will be (I’ve threatened to throw away anything that isn’t in its correct spot – something I have done before (or make the offender drop it off at Goodwill) ). I think I’m just going to give it a few more days and see if they start to lose interest, or at least, start to put things away.  I think I need to add another resolution to my list: find a good solution for organizing the pantry so I don’t have to do it every Jan 1.

While I’m not really a huge proponent of New Year’s resolutions, I do like to pick a few things that I can accomplish and that are family focused. My sister recently led a fitness challenge through Facebook that I joined with our other sister. Each day there was a mini challenge – many were fitness related, but some were not. One mini challenge was to pick 10 things that I wanted to accomplish in the next 12 months. I thought very hard about what I wanted to put on that list and was surprised when it was completed there was only one fitness related item. Here is my list from the fitness challenge on 10/20/13 (because I want to hold myself accountable for focusing on these in addition to my resolutions):

1. Use Kindness as my daily guide
2. Take a trip to reconnect with my sisters
3. Focus on my relationship with my husband - two date nights a month, one that provides opportunity for us to communicate.
4. Build stronger individual relationships with my kids. Do one fun thing with each kid a month (one-on-one)....
5. Be a proactive participant in my friendships
6. Foster a service-oriented philosophy with my family by doing one service project a quarter as a family.
7. Start going to church as a family
8. Reduce inches of my waist/ tummy
9. Plan for professional next step
10. Live my life without judgment of myself or others.

You see that church made both lists. It wasn’t intentional, it’s just something that I’ve been feeling guilty about lately (I might not go to church all the time, but I have the guild part down pat!). Plus, J will be in the first grade next year and will start prep (aka CCD) classes and I don’t want him ratting us out! We started this resolution a bit early. Christmas Eve Mass and then again on the 28^th while spending the weekend with hubby’s family. My excuse for not going has been because my kids are so bad I spend the entire hour ‘managing’ my children and don’t get any spiritual reward. As is most often the case, my kids are here to prove me wrong. They were awesome both times in the last week. No more excuses, look out God (and fellow parishioners) here we come!!!

Lessons I learned today:

1.       Have a productive day always makes me feel good.
2.       As hard as I try, my kids will likely prove me wrong.
3.       Staying at home on New Year’s Eve is an even better idea the next day (no hangover!)

 

Pity Party

I have to admit that I have been feeling sorry for myself a little bit the past few weeks. Hubby has been travelling and my fuse has been shorter than usual when the kids aren’t being absolutely perfect. I wanted whoever would listen to console me and join my pity party.

After three short trips during the week for work-related meetings, hubby left for a long weekend to golf with his high school buddies. In his defense, this is the ONLY golf trip he takes all year and has been doing it every year since he graduated from college. I earned some major points with said-buddies when hubby kept his perfect attendance after L was born - just 2 weeks old (and J was 21 months) – I know, what was I thinking??

So hubby left before dinner on Thursday and I took the kids up to one of my brother’s baseball games. For some reason, I was particularly agitated this day and found raising my three angels a bit challenging. So, sitting at the game with the other baseball moms I needed to share how hard my life was. I think my exact words were something like, ‘I’m not cut out for this single mom stuff’. Now, it’s important to remember that hubby had left a whole four hours earlier and my children were really being terrible (sitting quietly in their car seats during the 40 minute drive, playing nicely with each other at the ball park --- you get the picture).

After my admission of despair, one of the moms told me how she could relate. Her husband was in the military for 12 years and being a single mom is hard work. Awesome. Now I feel like the biggest loser in the world. What right do I have to complain about being able to do fun things with my, generally, very well-behaved children?  Zero. How can I feel sorry for myself when my husband takes one weekend a year to play golf with his buddies and is almost certainly coming home on Sunday?  I can’t!

I was sharing this encounter with my sister who is expecting her fourth kid and has been having pretty bad morning sickness all day long. She had a similar experience that put her in her place. She was upset that her three perfectly healthy children wanted her to cook meals but the smells of food made her feel nauseous. She received a call from our mother who shared that one of her childhood friends, who is a mother of a young child, is fighting cancer and it’s not looking so good. Okay, so morning sickness really isn’t a big deal!

Sometimes you get messages in unexpected ways. My message this weekend happened to come from someone I had never met before and will never see again, but was clear. I need to put on my big girl panties and be grateful for all of the blessings in my life. Even when I think it’s hard, it will never be as hard as others have it.

Lessons I learned today:

·         Planning activities while hubby is away is the best way to keep everyone sane and happy

      ·         J’s first appearance as a batboy was a success and he loved it!

·         Someone else always has it harder than you (I officially sound like my mother!)

Outsourcing

Last night I had dinner with my ‘foodie’ girls at our local culinary institute. As usual, we enjoyed some yummy eats and great conversation. Two of us SAHMs were talking about how to get it all done. I’ve made no secrets about the fact that I outsource many parts of my job. I would love to sit here and say that I am superwoman and can do everything all by myself. The fact is,sadly, I am not super-woman (or any other super hero for that matter), and I can only do so much and remain a pleasant, caring person.

As I’ve said before, I am an ultra-competitive person. So, when I started my SAHM adventure, I wanted to do it all, all by myself. It was about 2 months in to it that I realized I couldn’t do it all – keep my house up to the cleanliness standard I am used to, keep up with the ‘Jones’’ yard/ flowers next door, entertain my children, exercise, cook a healthy, balanced meal for every lunch & dinner and have something left for my husband at the end of the day. I realized that by trying to be all things to all people, I was unhappy, ungrateful and unloving – not a good combination for a mother of three and wife!

At first, I outsourced in the old-fashion way – paying someone to do it for me but I realized that it doesn’t have to be a fee-for-service arrangement. My sister in Phoenix told me about this awesome arrangement she has with other women in her church group where you earn tokens/ credit for watching other children that you can use later to drop off your kids. My cousin here in town has bailed me out on several occasions when I needed a last minute sitter. She would never take compensation for her time so I offered to return the favor. We now have an arrangement where I watch her two kids one morning so she can go to Yoga and she watches mine so I can play tennis.

I’ve also talked with two different neighbor friends about a meal exchange one night a week. One night a week I will make dinner for my family + 2 others. Then I get their meals two other nights a week (and I don’t have to cook- awesome!). We haven’t started this yet, but I suspect that once we do we will wonder how we ever lived without it!

Not really outsourcing, but another strategy I’m working on to help reduce my out-of-pocket expense, is to exchange my talents for other services. For example – I am taking tennis lessons and have J signed up for a 4-lesson session in July at the same place. My instructore (who is also the director of the tennis center) mentioned that enrollment for youth programs has been low so he’s thinking about cutting the number of days. I told him I would use my best social-networking/ marketing expertise to get more folks to sign up. I’m thinking (hoping) that we are able to lots of kids to sign up and J will get a reduced enrollment fee.

So, while I still do pay for some things, I am trying to find more creative ways to become a fulfilled,  happy SAHM.

Lessons I learned today:

·      Outsourcing dinner at a nice restaurant with good friends is TOTALLY worth it!

·      Working on helping to plan my sister’s wedding in CA, I’ve realized that while some things can/ should be outsourced, there are some that are more fun to do yourself.

·      There are no right/ wrong answers for how to be a SAHM. If I feel good about the ‘job’ I have done 4 or 5 days a week, I am good with that!

Annual Review

With the arrival of my one year anniversary of staying home with all three kids I’ve decided to take stock of how I’m doing.

Starting with the obvious, I get an F- for keeping up on my blogging! The only excuse I can give you is that I got lazy. I decided that pinning was way easier than blogging! In defense of my supreme laziness, I will tell you that I have implemented many of the awesome ideas I’ve found on Pintrest from home decorating to kids activities and recopies (yummy!). If I can shake my laziness, maybe I’ll share some of the ones I have liked the most here (I hope you aren’t holding your breath, given my track record the last several months).

So, for how well I’ve done with everything else this past year, I took a look back at my first 41 entries. There are many accomplishments and insights that I have gathered throughout this past year:

·         I started off SAHM-hood thinking that I should be ‘all that and a bag of chips’; planning theme days, organizing crafts, etc. During the past year I’ve realized that I will likely never be ‘that’ SAHM (as much as I admire her). Instead, I’ve taken the lead from Maria Montessori and created self-directed fun while at home.  I have also decided that having help at least one time a week (okay, maybe two times!). For example: Instead of cutting sandwiches into letters myself, I bought a bag of 100 cookie cutters for $10 and let the kids pick their own shape on sandwich days. This makes the PB&J’s we eat at least 2x/ week much more exciting!

·         I really wanted to institute reading time into our daily routine, but quickly learned that my kids are just too small for this. J & L read with daddy every night and E reads with me before bed. Beyond that, the Library story time is about the only other time they get structured reading time now. It is awesome with either J or L sits and reads to E (usually ‘Brown Bear, Brown Bear’).

·         I’m still pretty much a Nazi-mom. Even E (who is now 15 months old) goes to time-out. I stand by the idea that kids crave structure and discipline. On the days where I am a slacker-mom when I let my kids get away with more than they should, we all pay. One day I might learn this lesson!

·         My kids still do chores. Everyone, including E, picks up toys. J has a new chore of running a small, cordless vacuum under the table after dinner and L has learned to help sweep with her new pink broom and dustpan!

·         My mommy time in the morning has become getting a few extra minutes of sleep while daddy fixes the kids that are awake breakfast. You will be happy to know (or maybe I’m the one that’s happy about it) that all of my kids now know how to sleep through the night! Reading through my posts last summer makes me realize how much I appreciate my uninterrupted sleep now (thanks kids!).

·         When I said that retail therapy didn’t really work when playing ‘hookie’ on my kids, I must have been reeeaaalllly sleep deprived. After a year as a SAHM, I still love me some retail therapy – although now it is usually at the grocery, Target, Kohl’s, or our local consignment store (Snooty Fox). Funny story: L had on a pair of dressy shoes which I had ordered some time ago for special occasions. J: ‘L those are pretty shoes.’ L: ‘Thanks, mommy bought them for me.’ J: ‘At Target?’ L: ‘No, Snooty Fox.’ Funny stuff!!

·         Being a Bengals fan was easier than I thought – we actually did pretty well last year. Already looking forward to the new season. (And, more importantly in our family, our local high school football team took the state championship for their 5th straight year!).

·         My knitting project didn’t really get off the ground. The pot holder that I started is about 2/3 complete – which is probably how it will remain. Maybe when the kids get older I’ll find time to knit something (for my grandkids maybe?).

·         The lost St. Patrick’s Day Library book (that we checked out in August) was $5.

·         And, for those of you wondering, I am still thinking about redecorating my laundry room!

I’ve learned a lot of lessons during the last several months:

·         “They” are right, the days are long but the years are VERY short!

·         It is easy to get lazy but lazy isn’t the easiest way to be a SAHM.

·         Blogging provides me with some good accountability and makes for a nice keepsake. I am hoping to keep at it!

Praise or Punish?

Reminded today that, regardless of our age, we all need positive reinforcement.

While at that the gym one of my workout-mates complimented me on the results of all my hard work. MADE MY DAY. It also made me work extra hard while I was there and motivated me to stay on my healthy eating routine. I realized that I might be approaching this parenting thing the wrong way for some things.

I have to admit, the potty training thing with L has taken a turn for the worse. Have I mentioned that I like a clean house? In other words, pee on the floor doesn’t make me happy! So my natural reaction to an accident is to punish. Today I put her in timeout and made her clean the floor with a wipe (after I had cleaned it thouroughly). I'm not totally convinced that she isn't trained to pee on the toilet - part of me thinks that she is peeing in random places to get my attention (it's working!).  I’m re-thinking my strategy after my moment of workout praise. Should be showering L with kudos and brushing over the mistakes? I agree with praising children when they do the right thing but I do not think that overlooking their tantrums and misbehaving are good for them. Once again, I sure do wish I had a manual for this whole parenthood thing. If someone finds it, please share!

Lessons I learned today:

·       When a loved one is sick, hearing the phone ring is antagonizing. Prayers welcomed.

·      Pinterest has some great ideas when in a pinch for treats for a 2 year-old Harvest Party (http://pinterest.com/pin/229754018459669127/)

·       Praise and punishment both have a place in parenting, finding the balance between the two is why we make the big bucks J

Bored

You know you’re officially a grown up when having a weekend with nothing to do makes you happy.

I remember as a kid I would always complain about being bored. I don’t remember what my parents would tell me exactly but I’m pretty sure it was something like, “I’m sure you can find something to play with all of those toys you have.” There have only been a few times when J has complained about having nothing to do (L is not old enough to know what bored is just yet) and I find myself sounding eerily like my mother.  I found this idea on pinterest and am planning on using it when the time is right!

http://www.skiptomylou.org/2010/06/09/mom-im-bored-jar-from-somewhat-simple/

I, on the other hand, welcome the night or weekend where there is nothing on the schedule and I can sit and do absolutely nothing (well, if you consider nothing watching tv, pinning, blogging and having a glass of wine). As I’ve shared, hubby and I have had six weekends of Friday and Saturday night activities, so this weekend we were almost giddy to have NOTHING on the calendar (well, nothing except the in-laws in town, a Friday night football game, a Saturday morning soccer game and a pumpkin patch outing). Even though I wasn’t bored this weekend, I did find time for a little nap (it is so awesome when all three of my children nap at the same time!).

I actually think that I don’t know how to just sit still anymore. I tried to do it once this weekend and it lasted for about 90 seconds before I started thinking about all of the things around the house that needed to be done. That was the end of quiet time for mommy. I’m not sure when I acquired this affliction or if it has a cure. I’m not sure if all moms have this same problem but I’m pretty sure I’d be bothered by all of the things that are not done if I were to sit still and do nothing.

Lessons I learned today:

·         It is possible to take three children out to dinner and enjoy it!

·         I still haven’t outgrown naps.

·         I wouldn’t be as peaceful if I allowed myself to be bored.

In the Swing of Things

Today I realized that we’ve come a long way since the kids and I first started staying at home together on July 18^th.

You might remember when I tried to have a baking day a few months ago. Let’s just say, it didn’t go so well. So, when today's agenda called for baking, I approached it with fairly low expectations. I also knew that I was going to need to operate in shifts, which worked out well since the recipe I chose required three different steps. I’m happy to report that I finished all of the things I wanted to, there were no kid issues and everything (well, almost everything) was cleaned up before dinner. Yes, it took me five hours to make two things that would have normally taken 2, but it was actually kind of an enjoyable afternoon!

Another sign that we are all settling in to our new life – I have found how to keep all three children occupied so I have some time to get things done around the house (like baking). J will sit in front the TV at any given time of the day, which makes me feel a little guilty but a mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do! L has found a new favorite pastime – playing in the sink. We turn on the water, put a bowl, cup, ladle, turkey baster, etc and she is entertained for at least an hour. I’ve also figured out that E likes to sit in her new highchair and watch me cook and L play in the water. I realize thithese aren't super creative activities for anyone but it helps L with her gross motor skills (and she clearly loves it) and E gets to play with toys and help strengthen her neck muscles (yes, I am trying to make myself feel better and justify having my children entertain themselves!)

I also realized this week how different our family dinners have become since we started all sitting down together a year ago. At first, it was a mess – kids crying, food, being spilled, mom and dad up the whole time getting something and not being able to eat. Lately, we’ve been sitting down for dinner Sunday – Thursday as a whole family (even E sits at the table with us). As a result, the kids have found they like many of the same things that hubby and I have (some of their favorites are asparagus and couscous!) and we actually have a conversation! I’ve learned that the younger you start them at the family dinner table, the easier it is for them to understand the ‘rules’ (E is already learning her manners).

I’m not certain if things running smoothly is a result of my stellar parenting skills or simply that we’ve become used to our new routines. Either way – I’m not complaining!

Lessons I learned today:

·       Salted Caramel Bars are so good that when you take a bite you close your eyes (that’s some good stuff!)

·       Having out-of-town guests has the same effect on my kids as eating a candy bar – they turn in to crazy hyper kids (no, they did not eat the Salted Caramel Bars!).

·       It takes about three months to settle into a new routine with kids – something to remember the next time we will be making a big change.

Bag of Tricks

I’ve heard that women live longer than men. I’m guessing this is because we carry a purse and have more emergency items than men can fit into their pant pockets? In any case, if this is true – I will be living a LONG time! Especially if the emergency happens later in the week as I tend to clean out my bag over the weekend.

Monday I cleaned out my purse (which has been mistaken for a suitcase) which I hadn’t done for a while. I had to plan this activity while the kids were napping because I wasn’t sure what I would find that they’d be tempted with (sucker, McDonald’s toy, etc). Turns out, not only will I live a bit longer (aspirin, band-aids, allergy medicine, a variety of skin ointments) but I’ll look good too (5 tubes of lipstick, two combs, a bottle of hairspray, tide stain remover, mascara & eyelash curler and two pairs of sunglasses). My kids are all set for all of their needs too (diapers, wipes, bibs, extra pants, baby spoon, one bottle, formula, rattle, two pairs of little girls’ sunglasses, a baby’s winter hat) and we will all have plenty of entertainment should we ever be stranded (Droid, itouch, frisbee and two small blow up beach balls).

Crazy right? That’s just the stuff I put BACK! I I threw away a couple of old grocery lists, some candy wrappers and other crap that didn’t really belong. My kids know that if they want to make sure something comes along with us on an outing, they put it in ‘mommy’s bag’. Making my (almost) weekly clean out session an adventure and a trip down memory lane for the week.

I have a closet full of purses but I have carried the same one nearly every day for four years. When I was working my ‘bag’ led a double life as a briefcase and a purse/ diaper bag, but I never accumulated the variety of items I find now that I’m at home all the time (pretty sure they wouldn’t have let me through airport security with a butter knife in my purse!).

Not surprisingly, L often accessorizes with a purse of her own. Usually she uses it to carry other ‘necessary’ accessories (necklaces, sunglasses, etc). Sometimes I extend my clean out to L’s purses and occasionally find something surprising (a partially eaten bagel, a toy hammer). I’m thinking that there will be a time when I’m looking through her purse in search of something more than silly bands (SO not looking forward to that!).

Lessons I learned today:

·       As much as I wish, light bulbs do not change themselves.

·       A visit from the in-laws will give me the extra motivation I need get my to-do list for the week finished early.

·       They don’t make a purse big enough to be prepared for everything – going with the flow and figuring it out as you go are crucial qualities for a mom.

One Day

A few times every day I catch myself wishing for a life other than what I’m living today. Don’t get me wrong, I am in love with my life and all of the people in it, but there are some things that I can’t wait to pass.

Today I wished for a house without any crying – I know that day will come, I just wonder when. Heck, I’d just be happy for a day with just one kid crying at a time. I also wished for a dinner without any spilled milk, a quiet drive in the car, a trip to the store when I wasn’t asked for junk that we didn’t need and a night when I could sleep until the sun came up. Then I got a surprise hug from L, a ‘you’re the best mommy’ from J and a huge smile from E and I was wishing for time to STOP.

Today, while at the store with L, a woman overheard our conversation and said that she remembered those days with her kids and now they are 13 and 15 and don’t want to be with her. I am not looking forward to THAT day! I am also not looking forward to fighting over an outfit (oh wait, we do that already!), or waiting up for them to come home at night.

I try to remember that I can wait for a house of grumpy teenagers when everyone is having a meltdown at the same time so I don’t loose my mind (or my temper) with them. I also cherish the times they sit on my lap or say, ‘Need you mommy’ or ‘Hold you mommy’ and want to give me hugs and kisses before getting out of the car for school each morning (sigh). So for now, my plan for when things with three little ones get  to be too much, I count to ten (sometimes 20 or 30!), take a deep breath, give everyone a hug and kiss and thank my lucky stars!

Lessons I learned today:

·       According to L, pink is the best color and one must have one article of pink clothing on at all times. And pink M & M’s are the best!

·       I am officially loosing the laundry battle, I might as well give up (or redecorate my laundry room so I can enjoy spending so much time there).

·       One day my house will be filled with peace and quiet, until then I’m going to embrace and cherish all the chaos.

On the Potty Train

I have been procrastinating pulling the trigger on potty training L for about a month now just because I couldn’t commit an entire day to being at home, near a potty. Turns out, she didn’t need a whole day. Thursday after waking up from her nap she announced she wanted to pee on the potty and wear big girl panties. Mission potty training is underway and stage one is complete (still working on stage ‘two’ if you know what I mean).  Our stats for the weekend:

·         # of accidents (not counting the #2’s) = 2

·         # of trips to the bathroom = countless

·         # of changes of clothes (because of wet sleeves from washing hands) = see trips to bathroom

·         # of M & M’s and Skittles consumed = # of trips to the bathroom x 2

Going out of the house has become quite interesting. Not only do I have to think about having all of the necessary emergency items but I am getting to see the inside of each bathroom of every place we’ve been (sometimes more than once). Much of our potty adventure is due to the novelty of getting to use the ‘big girl potty’ which means we get to leave the dinner table AND wash our hands – which clearly are very exciting things for a 2 year old!

The last several weeks of partying has allowed me the privilege of seeing the inside of many washrooms around the country and I’ve realized a few things.

1.     I do not appreciate bathroom attendants. I am capable of getting my own paper towels and I do not like having someone watch me check myself out in the mirror!

2.     I DO appreciate clean facilities. There really is little worse than a dirty bathroom (especially dirty public ones – eeww!).

3.     Using the facilities where there are women who have been over-served gets less and less entertaining the older I get.

4.     Teaching public restroom etiquette to a two year old is going to be interesting.

Lessons I learned this weekend:

·       Potty training girls really IS easier than boys!

·       Living like a rock star for 6 weeks is long enough. Time to go back to my normal life.

·       Seeing the sense of accomplishment in my kids eyes, as I have with L this weekend, is reward enough for this momma.

Rock Star

One thing I’ve never dreamed of being is a Rock Star. I admire many, adore some, and would support my kids if that is what they wanted to do. Interestingly, now that I don’t have to be dressed up and in the office each day, I seem to be channeling my inner-rock star. I swear that I have found one reason or another to party most nights and every weekend since I’ve been home. There are several issues with being a rock star, the biggest plaguing me currently are: not fitting into my skinny jeans, spending more money than usual on concealer for the major bags under my eyes, not getting enough time to write my blog and moving out of contention for Mother-of-the-Year.

Last weekend hubby and I went to Philly for a college friend’s wedding where we packed in pretty much everything we could. My sister and her beau are in town from CA this weekend and we are doing our best to show them a good time. And Thursday we go to spend the weekend relaxing at the Greenbrier to celebrate hubby’s big 4-0. I’m normally a planner (we already have our vacation booked for next summer) but with all of this partying I’m operating just-in-time which has been an interesting experiment (one I don’t want to repeat anytime soon). Friday night we showed up to one of my fav dinner spots in the city with a reso made online earlier in the week. The only problem – reso was for two people and there were four of us – oops. My last couple of weeks have been like this – which is a bit unnerving for a type-A planner like me.

Luckily my life as a party animal has come during the school year which means there isn’t as much pressure to plan daily activities for the little ones and (most importantly) I get to take advantage of nap time when my double life starts to catch up with me – which is important not only for my appearance but also helps me keep my patience with my kids (at least most of the time!).

I think I’m a bit too old to be leading this new life and looking forward to recharging my batteries next weekend in time for lots of fun family fall and winter activities.

Lessons I learned this week:

·       Moe’s Southwestern Grill caters a good meal for a 4-year-old birthday party

·       You have to be at the airport, with boarding pass and through security 30 minutes before your flight is scheduled to depart (yes, we learned this the hard way!)

·       Leading a double life as a SAHM and a rock star is exhausting!

FOUR

J turned 4 yesterday. It’s hard to believe that four years ago hubby and I were on our own. Going out without scheduling a sitter, sleeping in, relatively simple travel, did I mention sleeping in? Lots has changed in the last four years, new house, three kids, new ‘job’.

I’m pretty sure that this is one of the first birthdays that will be remembered, so I tried to make it a bit special (donut with a candle for breakfast, balloons to greet him in the morning, special birthday outfit, treat of choice for school). I think the first birthday I remember is 6 but as I’ve mentioned before, I don’t have a lot of childhood memories. My theory is that if I create rituals for my kids on special occasions that we continue every year, they will be able to recall them once they become adults. We’ll see if it actually works.

In the spirit of using every (well, okay ‘some’) moment as a teaching moment, I decided to reinforce the number four yesterday (four pieces of everything at lunch time, etc). Not sure how much I was teaching as both J and L know the number four – but it was fun at least. It was also fun when we happened to be number four in car line this morning.

When I was thinking of the number four I recalled a conversation that I’ve had several times since E was born about everything accommodating a family of four. Once you hit five things get complicated – cars, restaurant tables, hotel rooms (two double beds), event seats (easy to get four in a row). Many have said that once you have three kids you may as well have 10 because things get so much more complicated. I can tell you that when J turns 10 I will NOT be making comments about having 10 kids!!!

We’ve been giving the ‘now that you’re four you have more responsibility and more is expected of you’ speech for one day and tonight when giving his final good nights he said he wanted to be three again. If only it were that easy – pretty sure I would be 30 again this year.

Lessons I learned today:

·      Road work in our neighborhood brings lots of trucks which means hours of entertainment for a certain 2-year-old and 4-year-old

·      Always buy one extra balloon to accommodate the one that will inevitably pop on your way home

·      Instituting rituals might help my kids remember their special days, but as their mom I’m sure going to remember them all

Parenthood

I often catch myself in the middle of the day looking at my kids and wondering how I got here. I mean, I KNOW how it all happened but the fact that I’m a parent, like, forever – that’s just crazy talk! Then I start to ask myself all of the hard questions that go along with parenting:

·         Am I teaching my kids the right things?

·         How will we handle the ‘hard’ conversations?

·         Will they make the right choices?

·         Will they be happy?

I know that these are the questions that every parent asks themselves and I know it will take a loooonnngg time to know the answers (if ever). I wonder if we will be able to measure incremental progress. At 4, 2, and 6 months we seem to be doing an okay job – they usually follow the rules, they say please and thank you (most of the time), they don’t talk back and they usually do as we ask. It’s not now that I really worry about, it’s when they start having to make choices that could really affect their lives (drugs, sex, etc). Once I had kids, I knew I would likely be at home with them during their middle school & high school times – just to be around if they needed me and to have a finger on the pulse of their activities to guide them through those difficult choices.

I’ve seen a lot of kids grow up despite their upbringing. I’ve also seen a lot of kids from privelage throw it all away. I wonder how these kids were raised and try to gleam lessons from their lives to translate into the raising of my kids. I’ve read a lot of parenting books and often take something from them (an article I read once talked about how telling a child that they were smart resulted in them not trying very hard. So instead of telling my kids how smart they are I try to tell them how proud I am for how hard they tried). I’m hopeful that I am reading the right things, shadowing the right behaviors and making the right parenting decisions. For now, I’ve decided that the most important things at this stage (and maybe as they get older too) are to be consistent when disciplining them, keep them out of harm’s way, be on the same page with hubby on how we approach every situation, hold them accountable for their choices, give them the appropriate level of responsibility and constantly make sure they know that they are loved .

Today’s difficult parenting decision was when L got to choose the pre-bedtime show. J did not agree with L’s choice and was very sad about it. I knew that L would watch about 90 seconds of the show and was tempted to let J get his way. But I knew that following through on my original decision would send messages to both L and J and hopefully one day they will understand that they don’t always get their way.

What I do know for sure is that my kids are happy, they get along with each other, and our babysitters come back – so we must be doing something right!

Lessons I learned today:

·       It takes about 4 months for a two year old to get comfortable in a new environment – I’m happy to report that yesterday L didn’t want to leave the gym because she was having so much fun (that’s a long way from sitting in front of the ladies working out crying out for me!)

·       Planning a weekend away without kids takes a lot of work (and notes!)

·       Parenting is hard work, keep your fingers crossed and hope you’re doing the right stuff!

What I Miss Most

Since I’ve ‘retired’ many people have asked what I miss most about working. I didn’t really have one thing that I missed the MOST. Of course, I miss the people – many of whom I’ve known for over a decade, I miss the intellectual stimulation, I miss the adult conversations & laughs. But there wasn’t one thing that was tugging at my heartstrings pulling me back into the corporate world. Until yesterday.

I’ve been accumulating fall/ winter wardrobes for the kids and sprinkling in a couple of non-professional items for myself. Plus, I was in need of a special occasion dress for a wedding hubby and I are going to this weekend. So, yesterday I was running these errands and went to DSW (Designer Show Warehouse – for those that aren’t familiar it’s HUGE and has all kinds of designer shoes, even high end selections). It was the first time since I quit that I wished I was still working. I miss all those fancy shoes!! I have kept a couple of my favorites (which I haven’t worn once since I left work) and have absolutely no reason to get any more– which makes me incredibly sad (I did try on several pair knowing that I had no need to buy them, but they were so cute on!). I walked out of DSW with a $21 purchase (using my $10 reward certificate), which was the smallest amount I have ever spent there.

I recognize that buying shoes is not a good reason to go back to work. I also realize that if this is the thing I miss most about working, I made the right decision to stay at home with my munchkins. I am pretty sure, however; that I will continue to covet a good pair of shoes and probably make a few excuses to continue acquiring new ones (and I wonder why my children like shoes…).

Lessons I learned today:

·         I will get emotional on this day each year and I’m okay with that

·         Dress kids in layers (or bring extra clothes with me) for outdoor evening meals in September

·         The size of my shoe wardrobe has decreased but my love for shoes has not

What a Difference a Year Makes

Like many, I am a Facebook user and I’ve noticed they have added a new feature about your post a year ago today – whenever it shows up on my page I think about how little has changed in my daily routine (1^st Pumpkin Spice Latte of the year a year ago today and interestingly today I had my first Pumpkin Spice Latte for this year).

Today, however, it was clear how much really has changed this past year.  Besides the obvious – retired from my job and had another kid - today J had a soccer game and it really hit home. Last year (when he was almost 3 and we admittedly started him too early at a sport he had really no exposure to), J was a mess on the soccer field. He was fine at practice, just kicking the ball around but when game time came he barely saw the field. It was so bad that hubby wasn’t allowed to go anywhere near J during the games because he would get so mad that J would cry instead of play ball.

We’re two games into this season and the change is astonishing. J is much more aggressive and very into the game, even when on the sideline. Change doesn’t happen easily though  and during his first game we saw a lot of tears. Granted, it was while he was playing (and in 4 instances while he scored a goal), but there way crying for a majority of the time he was in. Today, I’m happy to report, there were tears only at the very end (after he got robbed of a goal and pushed onto the ground – 4 year old soccer is rough!).

A year ago I was about 2 minutes pregnant with E who is now almost 6 months old and is growing like a weed. Also a year ago we were getting a full night of sleep on a regular basis in our house – not so much these days. Both L & E have taken to waking up multiple times during the night which makes for a tired mommy and daddy.

I wonder what we will be doing a year from now… planning J’s 5^th birthday party (wow, really?), watching J AND L play soccer on Saturdays, chasing E as she runs around the house. One thing I know for sure, every year at this time I will take a moment to remember all of those lost on 9-11.

Lessons I learned today:

·         The salmon at Longhorn is surprisingly yummy

·         L is quite the monster when she doesn’t get her proper nap

·         ‘They’ (whoever they are) are right – the days are long but the years go by SO quickly