Pity Party

I have to admit that I have been feeling sorry for myself a little bit the past few weeks. Hubby has been travelling and my fuse has been shorter than usual when the kids aren’t being absolutely perfect. I wanted whoever would listen to console me and join my pity party.

After three short trips during the week for work-related meetings, hubby left for a long weekend to golf with his high school buddies. In his defense, this is the ONLY golf trip he takes all year and has been doing it every year since he graduated from college. I earned some major points with said-buddies when hubby kept his perfect attendance after L was born - just 2 weeks old (and J was 21 months) – I know, what was I thinking??

So hubby left before dinner on Thursday and I took the kids up to one of my brother’s baseball games. For some reason, I was particularly agitated this day and found raising my three angels a bit challenging. So, sitting at the game with the other baseball moms I needed to share how hard my life was. I think my exact words were something like, ‘I’m not cut out for this single mom stuff’. Now, it’s important to remember that hubby had left a whole four hours earlier and my children were really being terrible (sitting quietly in their car seats during the 40 minute drive, playing nicely with each other at the ball park --- you get the picture).

After my admission of despair, one of the moms told me how she could relate. Her husband was in the military for 12 years and being a single mom is hard work. Awesome. Now I feel like the biggest loser in the world. What right do I have to complain about being able to do fun things with my, generally, very well-behaved children?  Zero. How can I feel sorry for myself when my husband takes one weekend a year to play golf with his buddies and is almost certainly coming home on Sunday?  I can’t!

I was sharing this encounter with my sister who is expecting her fourth kid and has been having pretty bad morning sickness all day long. She had a similar experience that put her in her place. She was upset that her three perfectly healthy children wanted her to cook meals but the smells of food made her feel nauseous. She received a call from our mother who shared that one of her childhood friends, who is a mother of a young child, is fighting cancer and it’s not looking so good. Okay, so morning sickness really isn’t a big deal!

Sometimes you get messages in unexpected ways. My message this weekend happened to come from someone I had never met before and will never see again, but was clear. I need to put on my big girl panties and be grateful for all of the blessings in my life. Even when I think it’s hard, it will never be as hard as others have it.

Lessons I learned today:

·         Planning activities while hubby is away is the best way to keep everyone sane and happy

      ·         J’s first appearance as a batboy was a success and he loved it!

·         Someone else always has it harder than you (I officially sound like my mother!)

Outsourcing

Last night I had dinner with my ‘foodie’ girls at our local culinary institute. As usual, we enjoyed some yummy eats and great conversation. Two of us SAHMs were talking about how to get it all done. I’ve made no secrets about the fact that I outsource many parts of my job. I would love to sit here and say that I am superwoman and can do everything all by myself. The fact is,sadly, I am not super-woman (or any other super hero for that matter), and I can only do so much and remain a pleasant, caring person.

As I’ve said before, I am an ultra-competitive person. So, when I started my SAHM adventure, I wanted to do it all, all by myself. It was about 2 months in to it that I realized I couldn’t do it all – keep my house up to the cleanliness standard I am used to, keep up with the ‘Jones’’ yard/ flowers next door, entertain my children, exercise, cook a healthy, balanced meal for every lunch & dinner and have something left for my husband at the end of the day. I realized that by trying to be all things to all people, I was unhappy, ungrateful and unloving – not a good combination for a mother of three and wife!

At first, I outsourced in the old-fashion way – paying someone to do it for me but I realized that it doesn’t have to be a fee-for-service arrangement. My sister in Phoenix told me about this awesome arrangement she has with other women in her church group where you earn tokens/ credit for watching other children that you can use later to drop off your kids. My cousin here in town has bailed me out on several occasions when I needed a last minute sitter. She would never take compensation for her time so I offered to return the favor. We now have an arrangement where I watch her two kids one morning so she can go to Yoga and she watches mine so I can play tennis.

I’ve also talked with two different neighbor friends about a meal exchange one night a week. One night a week I will make dinner for my family + 2 others. Then I get their meals two other nights a week (and I don’t have to cook- awesome!). We haven’t started this yet, but I suspect that once we do we will wonder how we ever lived without it!

Not really outsourcing, but another strategy I’m working on to help reduce my out-of-pocket expense, is to exchange my talents for other services. For example – I am taking tennis lessons and have J signed up for a 4-lesson session in July at the same place. My instructore (who is also the director of the tennis center) mentioned that enrollment for youth programs has been low so he’s thinking about cutting the number of days. I told him I would use my best social-networking/ marketing expertise to get more folks to sign up. I’m thinking (hoping) that we are able to lots of kids to sign up and J will get a reduced enrollment fee.

So, while I still do pay for some things, I am trying to find more creative ways to become a fulfilled,  happy SAHM.

Lessons I learned today:

·      Outsourcing dinner at a nice restaurant with good friends is TOTALLY worth it!

·      Working on helping to plan my sister’s wedding in CA, I’ve realized that while some things can/ should be outsourced, there are some that are more fun to do yourself.

·      There are no right/ wrong answers for how to be a SAHM. If I feel good about the ‘job’ I have done 4 or 5 days a week, I am good with that!

Annual Review

With the arrival of my one year anniversary of staying home with all three kids I’ve decided to take stock of how I’m doing.

Starting with the obvious, I get an F- for keeping up on my blogging! The only excuse I can give you is that I got lazy. I decided that pinning was way easier than blogging! In defense of my supreme laziness, I will tell you that I have implemented many of the awesome ideas I’ve found on Pintrest from home decorating to kids activities and recopies (yummy!). If I can shake my laziness, maybe I’ll share some of the ones I have liked the most here (I hope you aren’t holding your breath, given my track record the last several months).

So, for how well I’ve done with everything else this past year, I took a look back at my first 41 entries. There are many accomplishments and insights that I have gathered throughout this past year:

·         I started off SAHM-hood thinking that I should be ‘all that and a bag of chips’; planning theme days, organizing crafts, etc. During the past year I’ve realized that I will likely never be ‘that’ SAHM (as much as I admire her). Instead, I’ve taken the lead from Maria Montessori and created self-directed fun while at home.  I have also decided that having help at least one time a week (okay, maybe two times!). For example: Instead of cutting sandwiches into letters myself, I bought a bag of 100 cookie cutters for $10 and let the kids pick their own shape on sandwich days. This makes the PB&J’s we eat at least 2x/ week much more exciting!

·         I really wanted to institute reading time into our daily routine, but quickly learned that my kids are just too small for this. J & L read with daddy every night and E reads with me before bed. Beyond that, the Library story time is about the only other time they get structured reading time now. It is awesome with either J or L sits and reads to E (usually ‘Brown Bear, Brown Bear’).

·         I’m still pretty much a Nazi-mom. Even E (who is now 15 months old) goes to time-out. I stand by the idea that kids crave structure and discipline. On the days where I am a slacker-mom when I let my kids get away with more than they should, we all pay. One day I might learn this lesson!

·         My kids still do chores. Everyone, including E, picks up toys. J has a new chore of running a small, cordless vacuum under the table after dinner and L has learned to help sweep with her new pink broom and dustpan!

·         My mommy time in the morning has become getting a few extra minutes of sleep while daddy fixes the kids that are awake breakfast. You will be happy to know (or maybe I’m the one that’s happy about it) that all of my kids now know how to sleep through the night! Reading through my posts last summer makes me realize how much I appreciate my uninterrupted sleep now (thanks kids!).

·         When I said that retail therapy didn’t really work when playing ‘hookie’ on my kids, I must have been reeeaaalllly sleep deprived. After a year as a SAHM, I still love me some retail therapy – although now it is usually at the grocery, Target, Kohl’s, or our local consignment store (Snooty Fox). Funny story: L had on a pair of dressy shoes which I had ordered some time ago for special occasions. J: ‘L those are pretty shoes.’ L: ‘Thanks, mommy bought them for me.’ J: ‘At Target?’ L: ‘No, Snooty Fox.’ Funny stuff!!

·         Being a Bengals fan was easier than I thought – we actually did pretty well last year. Already looking forward to the new season. (And, more importantly in our family, our local high school football team took the state championship for their 5th straight year!).

·         My knitting project didn’t really get off the ground. The pot holder that I started is about 2/3 complete – which is probably how it will remain. Maybe when the kids get older I’ll find time to knit something (for my grandkids maybe?).

·         The lost St. Patrick’s Day Library book (that we checked out in August) was $5.

·         And, for those of you wondering, I am still thinking about redecorating my laundry room!

I’ve learned a lot of lessons during the last several months:

·         “They” are right, the days are long but the years are VERY short!

·         It is easy to get lazy but lazy isn’t the easiest way to be a SAHM.

·         Blogging provides me with some good accountability and makes for a nice keepsake. I am hoping to keep at it!